My Life: The last 10 Years

I have faced many trials and have been stuck in a endless storm for most of my 41 years. But I'm going to tell you about the last 10 years of my life. We were living in Lubbock Texas in 2000 when my husband Chad took a job in El Paso Texas, he was in communications then. Life was good in both places. Nice homes, new cars, kids in great schools, and plenty of money. We were only in El Paso 10 months when the company moved and we didn't want to follow, so back to Lubbock and he took his old job back. Again he had his corner office a top the tallest building in Lubbock. It wasn't until 2003-04 when it ended. My parents remained in my childhood home in the same hometown. They being old enough to be my grand parents and me an only child, when my dad started having dementia problems. We had a choice to make, I could drive 6 hours one way a couple days a week, or move back home to Chickasha Oklahoma. Where pay is horrible, lacking enough jobs, and go back to how we began after we were married in 1988. Living pay check to paycheck. But that is what we choose. We took our savings and cashed out 401k's and moved. It took a year for Chad to find a semi good paying job. Here in Oklahoma it's not easy to find. In 2006 my father died of Heart and lung disease. I took care of him the 3 months he was given to live. Despite all he did to me as a child, I still looked up to him and loved him dearly. He was the only loving parent I had. I was 36 at the time. In late 2007 we moved to Norman OK, where my husband worked. I was a nurse at the time. I became sick in late 2007 and had to have 4 surgeries in 2008. I couldn't work and was still having health issues, and I still am. My mother was lonely and brought up us maybe moving in with her and by doing so it would help us with my medical bills. Her health has always been bad, I had to care for her a full year when I was 12 and missed a year of school. But that story is for another time. We took her up on the offer and was there 3 years when we were blind sided by her. Late 09 Chad lost his job and we were living off of food stamps and his VA disability check, which isn't even $150.00 a month. Feb 16th 2010 we became homeless. We had just returned from grocery shopping and Chad's job interview at the local jail, when a sheriff deputy told us we had 5 mins to get what we absolutely needed and we had to leave the house. We didn't know what was going on! She was sitting outside and refused to talk to us. Our car wasn't running so we had to get a ride to a relatives home and they were not home. We stood there as he drove off with trash bags of our belongings in hand and started walking. All of our family lives in the country, as did my mom. It was cold that day too. We walked to his grams house and she drove us into town. We stayed in a nasty motel that I had driven by so many times and never thought I'd stay there. Homeless....if you've never been there then you are lucky! It's a horrible feeling, I was literally sick at my stomach and felt so betrayed by my own mother. We were in the motel for 2 days when I asked our daughter if we could stay with her until we were on our feet. Our oldest son was also staying with her at the time also. I knew it was cramped and a hardship for her but she said yes and came and got us from the motel. If not for her we would have had to go in the homeless shelter. Another place I drove by several times while running errands, again never thinking that could be my home one day. Think about that the next time you see a homeless shelter. And not all homeless people "look" homeless. Thankfully Chad got the job at the jail working for the sheriff department. And yes he see's the deputy that asked us to leave everyday. After a month or two of being at our daughters, our youngest son and his wife were moving into a very large home and asked if we'd move in with them. We took them up on their offer and we have been with them since. We are moving out this month to our "own" home. It's not much but we won't be homeless! We are still trying to get on our feet firmly financially and are short the funds for utilities but we are moving in anyway. Another trial to face on this journey, but forward and on we go. It will be interesting living with out the things we have become use to having. Electricity is the main concern, and with a $600 deposit due up front we are going to be in the cold and dark. We haven't looked into tv or internet yet, I can live without them though, as I will have much unpacking to do. As for my mother who I now refer to as "she" or "her" we do not speak or see each other. The last time I saw her I was walking by her with a trash bag filled with a few of my things. Shortly after all that she fell and broke some bones in her face and was in the hospital. I didn't go see her but our daughter did. When her doctor found out she was living alone and told her she had to move into a assisted living facility or ask me move back in. She chose the assisted living facility. I knew she would. Even if she would have asked me I would have said no.

We move the 19th and are praying for a miracle, a $600.00 miracle, between now and then. To those who took the time to read all of this, thank you. Like I said this is just part of the last 10 years. And you now know my secret, I'm homeless. Never take 1 day for granted, for it could be gone tomorrow. I'm not looking for handouts, only prayers. †

~Much Love~

Emotional Baggage

Consider It Pure Joy, My Brothers, Whenever You Face Trials Of Many Kinds. James 1:2

This was what I came across in my daily bible study book. I do the days study, but I also skip around. And I always find what I need to be reminded of. Thank you God!

It is God's command to consider "every trial to be a thing of joy". Initially, that seems unreasonable because trials do not feel joyous. If we are to respond constructively, we must understand that the text does not tell us to "feel it a thing of joy". For that can we be thankful, since it is impossible for us to manipulate our emotions. Emotions are a result of circumstances, body chemistry, how we have slept, what we have dreamed, or even what we may have eaten the night before. None of us have a joy button that we press to make us feel wonderful. Although we are usually able to keep our emotions in check, it is impossible to change them dramatically. Emotions are the baggage that comes with our difficulty. The emotions that swirl in our hearts are legitimate and normal. We should not feel guilty about feeling down. Even Jesus wept (John 11:35) What we must do, however, is refuse to permit how we feel to dictate how we respond. If you have traveled through the mountains, you may have seen ramps for runaway trucks. They are for drivers who have lost their brakes and are careening dangerously down the road, out of control. At that point, trucks are driven by the weight of their baggage. It's a disaster waiting to happen. Letting our emotions dictate our actions is like letting the baggage do the driving. This is why James said to count it a "joy" thing "because you know...(James 1:3). We can reckon trials as a source of joy when we know that God is working in it for our own good, that trials will refine us, that they will be used to accomplish good results that would not happen otherwise. Responding to trouble based on what we know to be true is the only way to keep life on the road toward God's productive purposes. When we do this we can count any difficulty to ultimately be a thing of joy.

Great Is Thy Faithfulness

In my moment of fear, through every pain, every tear, there's a God who's been faithful to me...
When my strength was all gone, when my heart had no song, still in love He's proved faithful to me.
Every word He's promised is true; what I thought was impossible, I see my God do.

He's been faithful, faithful to me.
Looking back his loving mercy I see
Though in my heart I have questioned
Even failed to believe
Yet he's been faithful, faithful to me.

Perfect hymn for my struggles today!

Hello!

Good Sunday Morning! Life here is getting busy and hectic, and sadly this is just the beginning for the craziness. We have been praying for a place of our own for several months, things came along but we couldn't afford them, or if we could afford them I wouldn't be caught dead in them. I don't want to sound picky, or like a miss goody, goody. We all have set limits on things. Anyhoo, 1 day after I asked a dear friend to please pray for us to find a place, God came through! (Tori is a prayer warrior)! The next day a friend that Chad works with said we have a place for rent. We went the next day and took it! We can paint and do whatever we want just as long as it is improvements. FUN! I got my paint chips picked out and ready to start painting next Friday. Also in my prayer request was my Fibromyalgia pain. My dr has been working w/ me on getting something to help w/ the pain, and all the symptoms that go with Fibro. Friday morning I got a call out of the blue from my dr's clinic partner, telling me to get to the clinic asap! Me, I'm worried and scared to death to ask why, but I did. He told me we have a drug rep here and he may have the med that will help you w/ Fibro. Slammed the phone, throw on clothes & make-up and off we go. I live in a very small town in Oklahoma. I love Oklahomans and living in small towns. My dr is in another smallish town, about 20 miles away. It may not be a huge practice or clinic but everybody in this clinic cares! I don't have health insurance, so I pay out of my pocket. My pockets are not deep, in fact they are worn thin and have a couple of holes. That would best describe them. But this dr is working w/ me on all fee's, including tests and making sure the meds he is scribing me are not very expensive. Plus when he is seeing you, he treats you as if you are the only person there. He takes his time, he explains things in easy terms. The dr that called me Friday isn't even "my" dr.! The drug rep was going down a list of meds samples he had and if the dr wanted or was interested in. The nurse said that when he rep said something for Fibromyalgia, she said he jumped up and said we have a lady we've been trying stuff w/ let me call her. And he did, right then! PTL!! God is good!! So I go in and we go over the med info, how they want me to take it, and the drug rep said he would keep me in samples if it worked for me. I have 4 months worth right now. It takes 3 weeks for the med to get built up in my system so for now I'm in a lot of pain. I can't take any other meds w/ this med other than my sleep aid. Praying it works! Praying that this move will be easy, and no stress what so ever! Stress makes Fibro pain worse. I'm excited to decorate and to get my furniture and stuff out of storage and into a home. I so love to decorate, and just in time for the holidays =} Christmas at Nana & Papa's house *woot* Things are looking up and I pray that they keep going up!

I'm listening to FFH & Mercy Me today. I love them and Casting Crowns. I have "Home/Car Church". Another thing about small towns is there are more churches than there are anything else. We use to attend church every Sunday in the church I grew up in. Chad was the drummer for the worship band and our son Josh played electric guitar. To many changes to soon, and the hypocrites, don't get me started *lol* I'll leave it at that. I worship where ever, when ever. If it's in the car, at home, doing housework, etc. When I go for my walks it's my alone time, and time to thank God for his love & blessings. Just to talk to him, and I love to look around at his creations.

I hope you all have a great Sunday! I'm getting ready for my walk =}

From Restlessness To Rest

"Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the Nations, I will be exalted in the Earth". ~Psalms 46:10~

I was raised in a crazy, dysfunctional, Christian, home. Outside looking in, I'm certain people viewed us as the "perfect little Christian family". Nope, we didn't even come close! (I will tell my story another time) My grandfather was a preacher so I was raised in church, learning the bible.

I grew up hearing the KJV of this verse, "Be still, and know that I am God". I always thought that meant to "be still" as my mom use to say to me in church (I still have the imprints on my knees from her squeezing them firmly and telling me to, "Please Be Still"!) So I grew up thinking that the verse meant to stop being restless and start listening to God. I thought that until I learned what the Hebrew word used for "be still" it has nothing to do with the rapt attention to God. It literally means relaxing, so you could read the verse as "Relax, and know that I am God". The Hebrew word paints a vivid picture. It means to "LET GO" Literally, to put your hands down at your sides. When problems arrive at our doorstep, we always want to keep our hands on the problem, to manipulate and control it until it yields the out come we want. We are like a little child who wants to get involved in a project with their parent but inevitably messes it up. God says that when life takes us to the ragged edge and we find ourselves out of righteous options, we have to "let go". To let go and let God be God in the midst of our dilemma. Tough assignment? Only if you don't know about God's loving interest in working through your life to accomplish His glory and your good. He is faithful to the end, bigger than your most aggressive enemy. You can give it all to Him and relax in His care and wise solutions.

When we get a grip on "I am God", we find rest for our souls.
Question...What is it about God that you can fully trust in regardless of life's blows? Make a list. Live in the list-and relax!

Strength For The Journey

This is one of the books I've been reading and posting from here. I love the name "Strength For The Journey" Because I am on a personal journey & I will need a lot of strength for this journey. I'm walking down a dark, winding path, filled with hurts from the past, and resent cuts & burns from my mother. She is no longer in my life, we don't speak, or see each other and I'm working on healing from her hurts just so I can let go of it. Forgiveness is going to be a huge part of the healing process. That doesn't mean we will ever have a relationship, not having her in my life has been good for me. I'll get into all of that later.

Monday

I love shoes (LOVE) and I also love new tech gadgets. This shoe purchase is the 2 loves combined. My doctor recommended these shoes for my walking and weight loss journey. I am lucky I don't have a lot of weight to lose but I have a weight limit for myself. That weight limit is 120-125. No more, no less! I have Fibromyalgia and before getting back to the doctor it was hard for me to do much, the nerve pain is horrible, and along w/ that is no energy. (and some days it still is hard to get around/no energy). But the dr and I are really working hard on getting the right meds, amounts, & doses where they are working best w/ minimal side effects. I told him I want 1 med for the nerve pain, and 1 med to help w/ sleep. That's it!! I don't want a ton of meds and I don't want meds that make you loopy. Both meds I'm on are non addictive! *Yea* Back to the shoes *lol* It has a device you put inside the shoe, under the insole. You don't even know it's there. Then you take your Ipod/Iphone/Ipod Touch and put a little plug you put in your Ipod and turn it on and start walking/running. It's awesome! While listening to your music as normal, every so often you hear a lady telling you how far you've gone, how far left to reach your preset goal. Once you reached your goal and finished running/walking it show's calories burned, distance, time it took, etc. I used it for the 1st time yesterday and I LOVE THEM!! I highly recommend them.


This morning our sons dog woke us up howling because he thought he was home alone. This was around 6-6:15am and Chad's alarm is set for 6:50am, plus he didn't sleep all that great. So being woken up early was not a great start to either of our Monday morning. I'm hoping the day get's better! I came home from taking Chad to work, and got a load of laundry going, and I have a list of things to "try" to do today. Still re-doing our bedroom, trying to get things organized & clean out drawers and closet making goodwill bags. Most of it is Chad's clothes. His old job he had to dress up each day, nice pressed slacks, and a nicely pressed dress shirt. Now that he no longer works there and has lost a lot of weight it's taking up space. I've also thought about pressing them and taking photos of them and selling them (cheap) on my Facebook.

I want to explain why I started blogging. I have made some wonderful, amazing friends on the internet via Twitter. Most people on my Facebook I've grown up with, and have known since childhood. I wanted to have a way to let people know me better. Even those I grew up with don't know my life story. The hard times, the un-loving mother, and etc. And it will explain why I am the way I am. I'm still struggling with some things and I'm trying to understand them, work through them, and hopefully will be able to let go of them. That's why I named my blog "My Simple And Sometimes Complicated Life.

I hope you all have a wonderful Monday!!