My Life: The last 10 Years

I have faced many trials and have been stuck in a endless storm for most of my 41 years. But I'm going to tell you about the last 10 years of my life. We were living in Lubbock Texas in 2000 when my husband Chad took a job in El Paso Texas, he was in communications then. Life was good in both places. Nice homes, new cars, kids in great schools, and plenty of money. We were only in El Paso 10 months when the company moved and we didn't want to follow, so back to Lubbock and he took his old job back. Again he had his corner office a top the tallest building in Lubbock. It wasn't until 2003-04 when it ended. My parents remained in my childhood home in the same hometown. They being old enough to be my grand parents and me an only child, when my dad started having dementia problems. We had a choice to make, I could drive 6 hours one way a couple days a week, or move back home to Chickasha Oklahoma. Where pay is horrible, lacking enough jobs, and go back to how we began after we were married in 1988. Living pay check to paycheck. But that is what we choose. We took our savings and cashed out 401k's and moved. It took a year for Chad to find a semi good paying job. Here in Oklahoma it's not easy to find. In 2006 my father died of Heart and lung disease. I took care of him the 3 months he was given to live. Despite all he did to me as a child, I still looked up to him and loved him dearly. He was the only loving parent I had. I was 36 at the time. In late 2007 we moved to Norman OK, where my husband worked. I was a nurse at the time. I became sick in late 2007 and had to have 4 surgeries in 2008. I couldn't work and was still having health issues, and I still am. My mother was lonely and brought up us maybe moving in with her and by doing so it would help us with my medical bills. Her health has always been bad, I had to care for her a full year when I was 12 and missed a year of school. But that story is for another time. We took her up on the offer and was there 3 years when we were blind sided by her. Late 09 Chad lost his job and we were living off of food stamps and his VA disability check, which isn't even $150.00 a month. Feb 16th 2010 we became homeless. We had just returned from grocery shopping and Chad's job interview at the local jail, when a sheriff deputy told us we had 5 mins to get what we absolutely needed and we had to leave the house. We didn't know what was going on! She was sitting outside and refused to talk to us. Our car wasn't running so we had to get a ride to a relatives home and they were not home. We stood there as he drove off with trash bags of our belongings in hand and started walking. All of our family lives in the country, as did my mom. It was cold that day too. We walked to his grams house and she drove us into town. We stayed in a nasty motel that I had driven by so many times and never thought I'd stay there. Homeless....if you've never been there then you are lucky! It's a horrible feeling, I was literally sick at my stomach and felt so betrayed by my own mother. We were in the motel for 2 days when I asked our daughter if we could stay with her until we were on our feet. Our oldest son was also staying with her at the time also. I knew it was cramped and a hardship for her but she said yes and came and got us from the motel. If not for her we would have had to go in the homeless shelter. Another place I drove by several times while running errands, again never thinking that could be my home one day. Think about that the next time you see a homeless shelter. And not all homeless people "look" homeless. Thankfully Chad got the job at the jail working for the sheriff department. And yes he see's the deputy that asked us to leave everyday. After a month or two of being at our daughters, our youngest son and his wife were moving into a very large home and asked if we'd move in with them. We took them up on their offer and we have been with them since. We are moving out this month to our "own" home. It's not much but we won't be homeless! We are still trying to get on our feet firmly financially and are short the funds for utilities but we are moving in anyway. Another trial to face on this journey, but forward and on we go. It will be interesting living with out the things we have become use to having. Electricity is the main concern, and with a $600 deposit due up front we are going to be in the cold and dark. We haven't looked into tv or internet yet, I can live without them though, as I will have much unpacking to do. As for my mother who I now refer to as "she" or "her" we do not speak or see each other. The last time I saw her I was walking by her with a trash bag filled with a few of my things. Shortly after all that she fell and broke some bones in her face and was in the hospital. I didn't go see her but our daughter did. When her doctor found out she was living alone and told her she had to move into a assisted living facility or ask me move back in. She chose the assisted living facility. I knew she would. Even if she would have asked me I would have said no.

We move the 19th and are praying for a miracle, a $600.00 miracle, between now and then. To those who took the time to read all of this, thank you. Like I said this is just part of the last 10 years. And you now know my secret, I'm homeless. Never take 1 day for granted, for it could be gone tomorrow. I'm not looking for handouts, only prayers. †

~Much Love~

Emotional Baggage

Consider It Pure Joy, My Brothers, Whenever You Face Trials Of Many Kinds. James 1:2

This was what I came across in my daily bible study book. I do the days study, but I also skip around. And I always find what I need to be reminded of. Thank you God!

It is God's command to consider "every trial to be a thing of joy". Initially, that seems unreasonable because trials do not feel joyous. If we are to respond constructively, we must understand that the text does not tell us to "feel it a thing of joy". For that can we be thankful, since it is impossible for us to manipulate our emotions. Emotions are a result of circumstances, body chemistry, how we have slept, what we have dreamed, or even what we may have eaten the night before. None of us have a joy button that we press to make us feel wonderful. Although we are usually able to keep our emotions in check, it is impossible to change them dramatically. Emotions are the baggage that comes with our difficulty. The emotions that swirl in our hearts are legitimate and normal. We should not feel guilty about feeling down. Even Jesus wept (John 11:35) What we must do, however, is refuse to permit how we feel to dictate how we respond. If you have traveled through the mountains, you may have seen ramps for runaway trucks. They are for drivers who have lost their brakes and are careening dangerously down the road, out of control. At that point, trucks are driven by the weight of their baggage. It's a disaster waiting to happen. Letting our emotions dictate our actions is like letting the baggage do the driving. This is why James said to count it a "joy" thing "because you know...(James 1:3). We can reckon trials as a source of joy when we know that God is working in it for our own good, that trials will refine us, that they will be used to accomplish good results that would not happen otherwise. Responding to trouble based on what we know to be true is the only way to keep life on the road toward God's productive purposes. When we do this we can count any difficulty to ultimately be a thing of joy.

Great Is Thy Faithfulness

In my moment of fear, through every pain, every tear, there's a God who's been faithful to me...
When my strength was all gone, when my heart had no song, still in love He's proved faithful to me.
Every word He's promised is true; what I thought was impossible, I see my God do.

He's been faithful, faithful to me.
Looking back his loving mercy I see
Though in my heart I have questioned
Even failed to believe
Yet he's been faithful, faithful to me.

Perfect hymn for my struggles today!